There's some study going around facebook about how spending too much time on facebook, peering into other peoples lives, can bring you down. Because, of course, people only post the good stuff. Their lives are spit-shined and sparkling. Their children never poop on the floor, the dog never eats a dirty diaper, their spouse is never gone, they never lose their temper in front of their children, their car always starts and they're never late for anything.
My husband and I talked about that and I said, I've only had time for snapshots on the blog this summer--all full of canoeing and camping and everyone having a grand 'ol time. I should do a blog post on the shit-for-crap 36 hours I experienced last week. Because, you know, I'd hate for any reader of mine to think our lives are golden, parenting isn't the hardest job I've ever had, or that I'm not often struck with the desire to move closer to someone who will watch my kids while I sit down and *do nothing* for an hour or two. He got all enthusiastic and said, Yeah! And you could post all the bad pictures! (Way to be supportive honey!)
I would do that except Hazel just picked up some little bug and she's sniveling and having a hard time sleeping. I can hear her down there snotting around and I'm expecting she'll wake up at any moment. Also, I'm exhausted. My man's been gone for almost two weeks. It was all I could do tonight to drag my ass up here. On top of that, I'm tired. As in, Tired. As in, I haven't had a day off in 4 years TIRED.
It used to be a fleeting thought, the little mini-vacation I'd give myself once Hazel is fully weaned and both kids are no longer physically attached to me. What would I do? Go backpacking? Lately, that fleeting thought has transformed into a biting obsession. Backpacking? Visit a big city (because my husband hates them and I'd be alone)? Maybe a quick trip to a foreign city? How long do I get? I do get something, right?
At the end of my shit-for-crap 36 hours I sat down to eat some sad, leftover meal and looked up to see my own likeness staring me in the face. I had to laugh.