Sunday, May 1, 2011

lion in my belly

Did you miss us?  Oh, we missed coming here but it just wasn't happening.  For the last month I have been so exhausted.  When Juniper naps, I nap.  When Juniper goes to bed, I go to bed.  There is no extra hour.  To top it off, I've been all vomity and nauseas, making regular yet spontaneous visits to the porcelain queen (or whatever is closest--usually the kitchen sink, much to my husband's chagrin).  Turns out, I've got a little lion in my belly.
Okay, so maybe it looks more like a peanut with limb buds.  Still, it feels like a lion.  Despite the extra ten pounds I'm already carrying, it makes me feel small and weak to know something the size of an inchworm can completely overtake a full grown woman's body.  Holy shit.  It's tough work, making a new human.

When I peed on the little pink stick at the end of March, my first thought was: No way!  That was fast.  Then Juniper tottered into the bathroom and my second thought was: Oh my god!  Juniper!  I am so, so sorry.  You only have eight more months of being our one and only, then you have to share.  I am so sorry.  I truly felt like a horrible, irresponsible parent and to this day I am still having to convince myself with reason that Juniper will have way more fun with a sibling than without.  Right now, I still can't imagine that there is enough room in my heart for two--Juniper seems to fill it beyond capacity already.
Rolling around and getting tickled in Osa's bed is a favorite pastime lately.  

:: So anyway, that's what we've been up to this last month.  I spend most of the day in pursuit of food, puking, eating more and trying really hard not to puke again.  The first few times I threw up, Juniper cried (my husband says I sound like a prehistoric animal giving birth), but now she doesn't bat an eye and just asks for more blueberries.

Today we are leaving for our annual turkey hunting trip and upon our return I hope to have clove's corner back up to her normal programming.  In the meantime, here are some tidbits from the last month:

:: Back when we still had a ton of snow on the ground, we headed to the other side of the mountains to bask in the warm, desert rainshadow.

And hang with Juniper's geographically closest surrogate grandparents (my husband's brother's wife's parents).  Really, they treat Juniper like their very own granddaughter.  We are truly blessed to have them so close!
Look, no stocking cap!  Juniper was a happy bee, walking all around without getting hung up in several feet of snow.  

:: Back home, we closed on our house(!) and Juniper learned to identify elk poop.  She'd pick it up and walk around saying, Boop boop boop boop.  

:: My man left for 2 weeks at the height of my vomiting spells for work-related training.  Somehow, we managed despite several phone calls to my parents with me trying to remember the last time I was ever this miserable.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited to be pregnant, but I'm also very excited for the nausea and vomiting to vanish!  I am counting down the weeks until the second trimester.  

So while I was home sounding like a prehistoric animal giving birth and Juniper was walking around our house rattling off her new favorite words ("dirty" and "garbage"), my man had one day off back in Georgia and he didn't waste it:

He caught 4 sharks that day.  I am not jealous; at least one of us was having fun.  I asked him, "How do you get the hook out to release a shark?"  "Very carefully."  That one there ^ is a little baby hammerhead.  (He didn't get a photo of the biggest shark due to the de-hooking factor.)  

:: Juniper turned a year and a half.  I remember this time last year, when turning six months old was such a huge step.  18 months still feels huge but in a different way.  We no longer have a baby, we have a really smart little kid.  When I told the doctor she has well over a hundred words and her favorite activity is to walk around and name things he said, "Wow.  You are very blessed.  Enjoy her."  That said, Juniper still shuns eating utensils and prefers to shovel in food like a little cave-girl.   
Also, she likes to hold as much stuff as possible in one hand.  Here she has two diapers, pants and a sweater.  

Juniper was my bright ray of sunshine during our two weeks of home-alone nausea.  (I know I keep complaining...but imagine having the stomach flu all day, every would you feel?)  She is so fun, funny, smiley and happy.  I was this sick carrying her too (funny how we forget these things) and she reminds me it's a small, short-lived sacrifice to make for something amazing and wonderful. 
  Believe it baby, our snow melted!  And once it started, it went fast.  

I'm glad I captured that ^ face on film.  That's her super-concentrated, I'm-on-a-mission face.  (Note the elk trail to the left: they've moved out and up to higher ground.)

:: Things are greening up around here.  Though slow as a turtle this year, spring is here and summer is around the corner.  The changes are most notable in the weekly variety of birdsong outside our window.  Robins, juncos, canada geese, sandhill cranes, redwing blackbirds.  Ahhh, I'm so excited to spend the next ten days outside.



  1. Congratulations! I hope long(er) warm days roll in and you can be outside in fresh, lovely air, enjoying your sweet fam, feeling better.

    Theo was 19 months old when I found out we'd be having Sully. I, too was worried...what if my heart didn'thave enough room? Then I held Sully for the first time and not only felt complete as a family, but realized that my heart is capable of endless love.


  2. Yay!!!! I've missed you so! Congratulations, any time I think about possibly having another I have a moment of sadness for the sweetness that we've got right now. Can life get better? Of course!

    Welcome back!
    I laughed out loud at the prehistoric animal comment.


  3. Woo hoo! So exciting. I remember feeling so sorry for Betty (who was nearly two years old when Lucy was born), but turns out giving her the opportunity to be a big sister was the best thing I ever could have done for her. It's a gift all around, and watching the sibling love deliver the love right back to us.
    Um, shark fishing? Crazy. Neat picture.

  4. I'm glad you are back blogging as I only just found you! You have my sympathy with the first trimester sickness - ugh it's horrible (but worth it!) I too had the same doubts when pregnant with number two but giving them a sibling is the best gift ever (according to my son who was so happy). They are best buddies even though mine are 3 years apart in age.
    Love your photos and your blog - I just love seeing a slice of American life from my little corner of England.
    Best wishes


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