with heavy lungs

I was just cleaning out my in-box and oh, my heart sinks a little when I look at pictures of my kids from a year ago.  A lifetime and just yesterday.  It's like I've just dropped off the peak of a roller coaster, that same feeling, a downhill plunge.  In the swing, when she gets going really high, Juniper says, "My lungs are heavy!"  That's it, exactly.  My lungs get heavy.  They sink and press on my stomach.  My heart throws in a few extra beats.  Did I miss something?  Did I remember to enjoy it?  To love every (other) minute of it?  Am I loving it right now?  Why is my memory such a blur?  

^One year ago today.^

Right now.  Juniper is wearing slightly too-big undies with yellow and orange play-silks stuffed in the back.  She says it's her fire-power that she can shoot out of her bum, like a wasp.  (Yeah, might have to wash those play-silks later.)  We watched Frozen on Father's Day and she's since been trying to find her own magical powers.  She's also since had a few nightmares.  Last night she awoke frightened that her heart was on fire.        

^One week ago.  Watching Frozen.  Must have been one of the scary parts.^

Right now, Hazel is completely naked excepting a new (to her) pair of sandals.  I'd noticed her feet were getting long, long, long.  Her whole body is lengthening, stretching.  Starting on the summer solstice, we'll spend the next three days potty-training.  Her window was late last fall and she's not particularly excited about it now.  Fingers crossed.  In our country, you potty train according to weather, not windows.

^Two weeks ago.^  

Right now, they are playing, playing, playing.  I got out the Legos, which they haven't seen in months.  They play so unbelievably well together.  It shocks me daily.  Their mutual cooperation.  And when it falls apart (typically Hazel crying about not getting her way), I sing-song to Juniper, "Find a way to play together!"  And most of the time, she totally does.  She takes on a sweet, higher-pitched voice and says, "Come on Bazey, let's try this.  There ya go!  Good job.  Now I'll do this and you hold this.  Okay!  You can have this one, Bazey."  And Hazel wipes her tears and says, "Okay, Ju-per.  Dank you, Ju-per."  It's amazing.  Truly beautiful stuff, this sisterhood.  Maybe Juniper's heart is on fire.    

^One week ago.  On a hike.^  

Right now, there is a pretend birthday party with lego cupcakes.  Naked, of course.  

^Four days ago.  Juniper put on undies, a sweater, a backpack and announced she was going on an adventure.^  

^Two days ago.  They spotted a double-rainbow.^

Just now, Hazel takes those long limbs and curls up into the tiniest ball in my criss-crossed lap.  She is still so small.      

^Two weeks ago.  They found a hatched robin's egg.^ 

^Two days ago.  We were all a little frozen. 

And because of that, we had a double rainbow.  The first time I've ever seen the end of a rainbow.  You can't see it in this photo, but I have my pot of gold, right here under my wings.