Tuesday, October 12, 2010

six of her

These last few weeks I keep flashing to One Year Ago.  And while my bean is asleep in her crib, and my man in our bed, I stay up late and browse photos and watch snippets of video of the day J bug was born.  The day that our lives changed so completely, irrevocably and all for the good.

But today, one year ago, I was still pregnant.  And because I had absolutely no conception of what a newborn is like, or what to do with them, I focused on the tangible things.  Pack the diaper bag.  Pack our bags.  Make some mixed music cds.  Get more dog food.  Make a list for Missoula, because while we're there having a baby, we should also pick up more granola and winter squash and get the oil changed in the car.

And while I sit here, nearly one year of motherhood under my belt, trying to remember one year ago and all that not-knowing, of having absolutely no fucking idea, how hard our world would get rocked...I have to smile.  We took our docile life and jumped into a stormy ocean and found out we can swim and ride the waves and that we wholly love all the cold water and the unknown depths and the taste of saltwater on our lips.

I can't believe we have a one-year-old.  If  I could, I would take this last year and re-live it a hundred times over.  And this is just the first year.  Wow.

This evening, my man came home from a long day at work, took one look at Juniper in her high chair all covered in avocado and cheesy pasta stars and said, She is so wonderful.  I could have six of her.        


Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together.

                                                         ~Jack Johnson, Better Together

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